How Valuing All Parts of Our Life Helps with Setting Limits

Thursday, April 25, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 33 of Life Coaching Blog


A client I work with asked the following:

"When do I say "no" to people who need my help in order to take the "me time" that is much needed. It's challenging because doing things for other people results in the satisfaction of helping someone else, but it's equally important to take care of myself. How do I find this balance?"

This is a great question, and a common concern for many people.
Most of the time people err on the side of helping, and that is seen as an admirable quality by society.
It is an admirable quality as long as the person isn't helping at the expense of their own basic needs.

The first step is to contemplate why to help people.

It is a beautiful gesture to offer someone a hand purely for the sake of helping out another person. This makes both people feel good.

However, there are some problematic reasons why people help others:

• They are addicted to helping - it is a compulsion.
• They use helping as a way to cultivate feeling good about themselves because they don't normally feel good about themselves.
• They have a hidden agenda to get something from helping this person.
• They live by their perceived obligations, out of habit.
• They do not know how to say no.

After contemplating why to help, the next step is to understand our natural limitations.
We need to prioritize our basic human needs.

In Living Stress Free® we use the Yantra:

This visual tool is meant to help a person increase awareness of their basic human needs.

For example, if someone is helping another person too much, losing their balance, they will be over-focusing on Contribution and Relationships.
By increasing awareness of the other areas being neglected it becomes easier to prioritize other needed activities.
This clarity makes setting limits easier because we are naturally replacing one activity for something else that is equally important.

Helping out too much and losing our balance is often due to not valuing other areas of life.

I have learned in order to live a healthy, happy life, I need to love and honor myself, valuing all areas of my life.

In the same way, we all will be more effective helping and empowering others if we start with ourselves.

Take Care,
Marilyn

An Update on Alternate-Day-Fasting to Lose Weight

Wednesday, April 24, 2013 - 8:30 PM - Day 32 of Life Coaching Blog

I thought I would comment on how my alternate-day-fasting is going.
I really struggled with it today!

I had a soy protein shake with blueberries this morning before work. Then for lunch I had one whole grain roll with raw escarole and anchovies (I know - strange combination right? Not much food in the house ...)
I snacked on two radishes and 4 sugar snap peas. And, I had several cups of green tea.

By dinner I was really struggling with cravings, fatigue and pains in my stomach. I just made more green tea and had a spoonful of ricotta.

The goal is 400 calories on the fast-day, but that can be selected from anything. If you haven't been shopping for groceries you have to get pretty creative;)

I think it was more difficult today because of my work-out at the gym last night and the miserable weather today. But I'm going to keep going ...

Tomorrow is a normal eating day (and no, I'm not concerned about over-indulgence) and the gym again.

As I've mentioned before, this ten pounds is the most stubborn ten pounds in the world. For years I've been trying to lose it. The combination of alternate-day-fasting, 60 minute walk/runs every other day and green coffee bean extract should do the trick:) I'll keep you posted!

Warm wishes for good health,
Marilyn

The Wisdom of Surrender and other Musings

Tuesday, April 23, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 31 of new blog

I'm counting the blog days because I want to go at least 365, without missing a day.
So far so good!

I had a great experience this afternoon of slipping into the "ease and effortless" mode.
When this wonderful state of mind occurs, all self consciousness disappears. I spontaneously respond to the moment by feel, not by thought. All worry dissipates.
"What must be done" is seen more clearly as "what could be done. "
It's a light, carefree, confident experience.

It is natural to practice mindfulness, being fully present - in The Now - when this state of mind enlivens.

How did I get here?

• I have a consistent meditation practice daily.
• I've been immersing my mind with great teachings from Alan Watts, Shunryu Suzuki and Eckhart Tolle.
• Writing my Living Stress Free articles and blogs every day is reinforcing all the teachings.
• I've been balancing my essential needs and focusing more on diet and exercise.

Here is an article I posted tonight on my website that has a wonderful video from Eckhart Tolle describing the true meaning of surrender. It has to do with being in THE NOW.

The Wisdom of Surrender

Enjoy!

Marilyn

Feeling Bad over Not Getting it all Done

Monday, April 22, 2013 - 8:00 PM - Day 30 of new blog

Not a smooth day ...

I enjoyed my weekend, I did things spontaneously, I had fun - no regrets.

Today, I started feeling bad about not getting more stuff done over the weekend. This resulted in more irritability and confusion over what to do first. I was not easily satisfied.

I'm sharing this because it is part of the human experience. We all feel bad about a lack of accomplishment, but the only way to honor rest, recreation and fun is to not spend time accomplishing!
It's a "catch 22". The answer isn't to let go of rest, recreation and fun. The answer is to adjust our perception to accomplishing rest, recreation and fun.

Someone once said "whatever must get done will get done... the rest can wait another day".
It's true.

So, my message to all of you, is to remember that changing how you live your life so that it is more balanced will be uncomfortable at times, it will seem wrong or contrary to your goals. These are just thoughts. Let them go and enjoy the now.

Peace,
Marilyn

The Healthcare Problem in America

Sunday, April 21, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 29 of new blog

I want to share a video that was sent to me by someone I know. This is hrer daughter's story.

The video speaks for itself.

I Heart Life

Have a restful sleep,

Marilyn

Honoring All Areas of Life Leads to Being Stress Free

Saturday, April 20, 2013 - 10:30 PM - Day 28 of new blog

One of the practices of the Living Stress Free® Wellness Program is to look at all eight areas of your life and see if you are honoring and attending to each area. It is easy to ignore some of our natural human needs because we are overly focused on only certain areas.

To illustrate the technique I will share how I'm doing with my areas:

Physical Health:
Doing great. I had another "fasting day" today as part of my alternate-day-fast diet. Kept to the 400 calories and felt great. I also worked out at the gym. I've been getting a decent amount of sleep and keeping healthy.

Mental Health:
My daily meditation practice has a significant effect on my ability to stay fully present, accept things as they come and respond to life instead of reacting to it. My concentration and creativity is doing great as well.

Relationships:
Doing my best to show those around me that I support and care. Planning a trip to visit my parents in June:))

Spirituality:
I focus on this daily and find it to be an area that keeps my balance and increases my love for the rest of the areas in my life.

Contribution:
My balance gets off here because I tend to over-contribute. Today it was balanced though.

Education:
I am learning new things everyday and have a list of items to explore on the internet on a weekly basis.

Recreation:
I tend to let this area go and not prioritize it. With the weather getting warmer that will hopefully change.


The idea is to increase awareness of the tendency to over-focus in certain directions leading to imbalance. It is healthiest to live spherically.

If you are interested in learning more about this concept, here's a link.Eight Areas of LIfe

See you tomorrow,
Marilyn

Dealing with Anger

Friday, April 19, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 27 of new blog

I was talking with several clients this week about anger, the kind of anger that bubbles up in exaggerated ways for reasons incongruent with the current situation. You all have experienced this - getting really "pissed off" over stupid stuff, little stuff, unimportant stuff.

This is old anger. It comes from unresolved issues we never fully acknowledged or expressed. This anger from the past trickles out from time to time to cause bursts of frustration, irritability and even rage.  The more intense the angry feelings the bigger the "old anger".

What's the solution?

Recognize you are really not mad at the current stressor and let it pass.

When you recognize certain issues from the past that still bother you, talk to someone, write about it or express it creatively. It needs to be acknowledged to be released. If you just distract yourself it never goes away.

Allow yourself to fully experience difficult situations when they occur. Try to deal with the feelings in the present so you don't have to express them someday in the future. Use your supports, your therapist, journaling, the creative arts or your spiritual practices to express the frustration and let it go.

This is Stress Awareness Month and Anger Awareness is part of this. Good luck!

Wishing you well,

Marilyn