Taking Care of the Basics

Tuesday, April 30, 2013 - 9:30 PM - Day 38 of Life Coaching Blog

I was in session with some of my therapy clients today and I had an interesting realization. Those who are struggling with the symptoms of their mental illness in the midst of stressful life circumstances tend to resist prioritizing the basics: nutrition, rest and exercise. No matter what is going on in life, the problems can be solved easier if a person is getting proper rest, adequate exercise and healthy nutrition.

I took this realization to my life. The past few days I have felt frustrated with not being able to get enough done. My to-do list is long (and getting longer) with very little crossed out. However, I realized I am taking care of getting rest, exercise and proper nutrition. No wonder each day is an adventure instead of a challenge!

I'm sharing this as a reminder ... take care of the basics first.

Warm regards,
Marilyn

Music Bath

Monday, April 29, 2013 - 11:00 PM - DAy 37 of Life Coaching Blog


Take a “Music Bath”

Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down, free from distractions.

Adjust the lighting so it is soothing to the eyes. You can use lamps or candles.

Choose calming music on your mp3 player, CD player, tape player, turntable or any other music device. The music needs to be instrumental so that the lyrics do not activate the mind to think.

Give yourself at least 20 minutes of listening exclusively to the music, allowing your attention to rest on the sound instead of your thoughts.

Close your eyes, relax your muscles, breathe effortlessly and immerse yourself in the music.

Take care,
Marilyn

Meaning of Aloha

Sunday, April 28, 2013 - 8:00 PM - Day 36 of Life Coaching Blog

I shared the meaning of "Aloha" in my weekly email tips for Spirituality and Healing.
I found the meaning of this beautiful word interesting so I wanted to share it with you.

Click Here:
Aloha

It's been a relaxing weekend with lots of down-time.

I think I needed that with the amount of energy output I go through during the week.

Have a lovely evening.
Aloha

Marilyn

Spreading Positivity

Saturday, April 27, 2013 - 9:00 PM - Day 35 of Life Coaching Blog

I was at the hair stylist this morning getting my routine highlights and trim.

I was amazed at how positive everyone was in the salon!

Sometimes, when you're just sitting there watching others it can be an interesting experience observing humanity. Every person that came in was complimenting their hair stylist and every hair stylist was complimenting their customer. It was so happy and friendly! I fully enjoyed watching the moment.

Positivity is contagious. It does not take any extra energy to say something nice than it does to gripe, complain and be critical.

Being in that happy environment just reinforced my own intention of spreading positivity wherever I go.

One of my spiritual teachers, Meher Baba, always taught to keep your thoughts cheerful and loving at all times. I make this my intention every single morning after I meditate and pray.

So I'm sending warm wishes and happy thoughts to all of you Blogger readers out there.
Love you guys!

Marilyn:)))

Harmonizing Life

Friday, April 26, 2013 - 9:30 PM - Day 34 of Life Coaching Blog

Enjoyed a night out to dinner. My husband and I had a date;)
Today was benign.

I am sharing a quote from a great Sufi mystic for my blog today:


“There are two aspects of individual harmony: the harmony between body and soul, and the harmony between individuals. All the tragedy in the world, in the individual and in the multitude, comes from lack of harmony. And harmony is the best given by producing harmony in one's own life. ”
― Hazrat Inayat Khan

I am feeling my harmony:))

How about you?

Marilyn

How Valuing All Parts of Our Life Helps with Setting Limits

Thursday, April 25, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 33 of Life Coaching Blog


A client I work with asked the following:

"When do I say "no" to people who need my help in order to take the "me time" that is much needed. It's challenging because doing things for other people results in the satisfaction of helping someone else, but it's equally important to take care of myself. How do I find this balance?"

This is a great question, and a common concern for many people.
Most of the time people err on the side of helping, and that is seen as an admirable quality by society.
It is an admirable quality as long as the person isn't helping at the expense of their own basic needs.

The first step is to contemplate why to help people.

It is a beautiful gesture to offer someone a hand purely for the sake of helping out another person. This makes both people feel good.

However, there are some problematic reasons why people help others:

• They are addicted to helping - it is a compulsion.
• They use helping as a way to cultivate feeling good about themselves because they don't normally feel good about themselves.
• They have a hidden agenda to get something from helping this person.
• They live by their perceived obligations, out of habit.
• They do not know how to say no.

After contemplating why to help, the next step is to understand our natural limitations.
We need to prioritize our basic human needs.

In Living Stress Free® we use the Yantra:

This visual tool is meant to help a person increase awareness of their basic human needs.

For example, if someone is helping another person too much, losing their balance, they will be over-focusing on Contribution and Relationships.
By increasing awareness of the other areas being neglected it becomes easier to prioritize other needed activities.
This clarity makes setting limits easier because we are naturally replacing one activity for something else that is equally important.

Helping out too much and losing our balance is often due to not valuing other areas of life.

I have learned in order to live a healthy, happy life, I need to love and honor myself, valuing all areas of my life.

In the same way, we all will be more effective helping and empowering others if we start with ourselves.

Take Care,
Marilyn

An Update on Alternate-Day-Fasting to Lose Weight

Wednesday, April 24, 2013 - 8:30 PM - Day 32 of Life Coaching Blog

I thought I would comment on how my alternate-day-fasting is going.
I really struggled with it today!

I had a soy protein shake with blueberries this morning before work. Then for lunch I had one whole grain roll with raw escarole and anchovies (I know - strange combination right? Not much food in the house ...)
I snacked on two radishes and 4 sugar snap peas. And, I had several cups of green tea.

By dinner I was really struggling with cravings, fatigue and pains in my stomach. I just made more green tea and had a spoonful of ricotta.

The goal is 400 calories on the fast-day, but that can be selected from anything. If you haven't been shopping for groceries you have to get pretty creative;)

I think it was more difficult today because of my work-out at the gym last night and the miserable weather today. But I'm going to keep going ...

Tomorrow is a normal eating day (and no, I'm not concerned about over-indulgence) and the gym again.

As I've mentioned before, this ten pounds is the most stubborn ten pounds in the world. For years I've been trying to lose it. The combination of alternate-day-fasting, 60 minute walk/runs every other day and green coffee bean extract should do the trick:) I'll keep you posted!

Warm wishes for good health,
Marilyn

The Wisdom of Surrender and other Musings

Tuesday, April 23, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 31 of new blog

I'm counting the blog days because I want to go at least 365, without missing a day.
So far so good!

I had a great experience this afternoon of slipping into the "ease and effortless" mode.
When this wonderful state of mind occurs, all self consciousness disappears. I spontaneously respond to the moment by feel, not by thought. All worry dissipates.
"What must be done" is seen more clearly as "what could be done. "
It's a light, carefree, confident experience.

It is natural to practice mindfulness, being fully present - in The Now - when this state of mind enlivens.

How did I get here?

• I have a consistent meditation practice daily.
• I've been immersing my mind with great teachings from Alan Watts, Shunryu Suzuki and Eckhart Tolle.
• Writing my Living Stress Free articles and blogs every day is reinforcing all the teachings.
• I've been balancing my essential needs and focusing more on diet and exercise.

Here is an article I posted tonight on my website that has a wonderful video from Eckhart Tolle describing the true meaning of surrender. It has to do with being in THE NOW.

The Wisdom of Surrender

Enjoy!

Marilyn

Feeling Bad over Not Getting it all Done

Monday, April 22, 2013 - 8:00 PM - Day 30 of new blog

Not a smooth day ...

I enjoyed my weekend, I did things spontaneously, I had fun - no regrets.

Today, I started feeling bad about not getting more stuff done over the weekend. This resulted in more irritability and confusion over what to do first. I was not easily satisfied.

I'm sharing this because it is part of the human experience. We all feel bad about a lack of accomplishment, but the only way to honor rest, recreation and fun is to not spend time accomplishing!
It's a "catch 22". The answer isn't to let go of rest, recreation and fun. The answer is to adjust our perception to accomplishing rest, recreation and fun.

Someone once said "whatever must get done will get done... the rest can wait another day".
It's true.

So, my message to all of you, is to remember that changing how you live your life so that it is more balanced will be uncomfortable at times, it will seem wrong or contrary to your goals. These are just thoughts. Let them go and enjoy the now.

Peace,
Marilyn

The Healthcare Problem in America

Sunday, April 21, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 29 of new blog

I want to share a video that was sent to me by someone I know. This is hrer daughter's story.

The video speaks for itself.

I Heart Life

Have a restful sleep,

Marilyn

Honoring All Areas of Life Leads to Being Stress Free

Saturday, April 20, 2013 - 10:30 PM - Day 28 of new blog

One of the practices of the Living Stress Free® Wellness Program is to look at all eight areas of your life and see if you are honoring and attending to each area. It is easy to ignore some of our natural human needs because we are overly focused on only certain areas.

To illustrate the technique I will share how I'm doing with my areas:

Physical Health:
Doing great. I had another "fasting day" today as part of my alternate-day-fast diet. Kept to the 400 calories and felt great. I also worked out at the gym. I've been getting a decent amount of sleep and keeping healthy.

Mental Health:
My daily meditation practice has a significant effect on my ability to stay fully present, accept things as they come and respond to life instead of reacting to it. My concentration and creativity is doing great as well.

Relationships:
Doing my best to show those around me that I support and care. Planning a trip to visit my parents in June:))

Spirituality:
I focus on this daily and find it to be an area that keeps my balance and increases my love for the rest of the areas in my life.

Contribution:
My balance gets off here because I tend to over-contribute. Today it was balanced though.

Education:
I am learning new things everyday and have a list of items to explore on the internet on a weekly basis.

Recreation:
I tend to let this area go and not prioritize it. With the weather getting warmer that will hopefully change.


The idea is to increase awareness of the tendency to over-focus in certain directions leading to imbalance. It is healthiest to live spherically.

If you are interested in learning more about this concept, here's a link.Eight Areas of LIfe

See you tomorrow,
Marilyn

Dealing with Anger

Friday, April 19, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 27 of new blog

I was talking with several clients this week about anger, the kind of anger that bubbles up in exaggerated ways for reasons incongruent with the current situation. You all have experienced this - getting really "pissed off" over stupid stuff, little stuff, unimportant stuff.

This is old anger. It comes from unresolved issues we never fully acknowledged or expressed. This anger from the past trickles out from time to time to cause bursts of frustration, irritability and even rage.  The more intense the angry feelings the bigger the "old anger".

What's the solution?

Recognize you are really not mad at the current stressor and let it pass.

When you recognize certain issues from the past that still bother you, talk to someone, write about it or express it creatively. It needs to be acknowledged to be released. If you just distract yourself it never goes away.

Allow yourself to fully experience difficult situations when they occur. Try to deal with the feelings in the present so you don't have to express them someday in the future. Use your supports, your therapist, journaling, the creative arts or your spiritual practices to express the frustration and let it go.

This is Stress Awareness Month and Anger Awareness is part of this. Good luck!

Wishing you well,

Marilyn

Full Acceptance of Your Life, Exactly the Way it Is

Thursday, April 18, 2013 - 9:15 PM - Day 26 of new blog

A theme keeps coming up in my life and in the lives of the clients I work with. I thought I would share it with you.

People are meant to live their life with the circumstances, challenges and specific parameters that are associated with their life. Only full acceptance of this results in an outpouring of energy that elicits change. If a person is battling their situation without acceptance, only misery, conflict and dissonance will occur.

You may not agree with me, but this is my experience of how life works given the situations my clients go through, the teachings of eastern philosophy and my own life.

I work with many people who have bipolar disorder. They share a common complaint about their mood swings: "when I'm manic I enjoy it but I worry about crashing into depression." When they are depressed they are wishing they could be manic. It's an understandable dilemma. After two decades of working with people who have this illness, I've discovered the best way to help them is to encourage full acceptance of their mood fluctuations and help them not react to this. Just accept whatever mood occurs and experience it fully. Respond not react. Cultivate the witness, the inner awareness that is separate from the drama. There is a much better chance the moods will even out, the extremes will diffuse spontaneously. The opposites can reconcile if the resistance is lifted.

An example from my own life is this weight issue. I gained 10-15 unwanted pounds that I could not budge for 4 years. Only recently did I fully accept my body the way it is. I started thinking positively about my new shape and started buying clothes for my new size. Suddenly, I had great energy and motivation to try this new diet plan and start my exercise regime again. I'm finally starting to lose.

This idea is not new. It is based on ancient wisdom from Buddhism and Hinduism, and probably other mystical paths as well. If you want to hear a clear, concise explanation of this philosophy, listen to Alan Watts recordings or videos. He explains it extremely well.

Hope this helps some of you navigate life with more ease.

Have a pleasant evening,
Marilyn

Going with the Flow

Wednesday, April 17, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 25 of new blog

Well, I did my fasting today, keeping my calories under 400.
It wasn't too bad. I feel a bit light-headed right now but I'm going to sleep anyway.
Tomorrow I get to eat my normal way, so it's all good:)

Lots of obstacles got in the way of having a smooth day today.
I practiced keeping focused on the task at hand and did not think about the whole storyline of the day.

You know what's great about this?

Spontaneity occurs readily!

For example, I sat down tonight to write a quick email-tip for my Music Therapy subscribers and this entire article poured out:

http://LivingStressFree.org/?article=10825

You never know what's going to happen when you just go-with-the-flow.

Good night friends,

Marilyn

The Busy Bee

Tuesday, April 16, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 24 of new blog

I was back to work today AND I went to the gym in the evening! I tried the one minute "sprint" of high intensity running during my 30-miniute walk/run. I thought I would start slow and progress back to my 60-minute walk/runs in the next two weeks.

I had to go grocery shopping too, so I wasn't home until 8:30 PM. Long Day!

My struggle today was how to possibly return all the phone calls I received yesterday when I was out, in between my full schedule today.  Well, I decided not to THINK about it. I just chipped away at calling people and all was well.

I cannot say it enough - "DO NOT THINK ABOUT ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO. JUST DO THE NEXT THING"

This is the main message of survival for the modern world, whether it be life coaching of individual psychotherapy - "just do the next thing".

My next thing is  s l e e p

Good night!

Marilyn

Tips on Diet and Exercise

Monday, April 15, 2013 - 7:00 PM - Day 23 of new blog

Today is my first Fast-Day for my alternate-day-fasting-lose-weight-plan:))

It was extra easy because I had to stay home sick today from work which made it easier to eat meagerly and rest.

I had a small bowl of lentil soup, fruit, a handful of nuts and various vitamin-based liquids. It's all good.

During my resting today I watched an hour-long special on exercise that was on PBS:

Here's the Link

It was quite interesting!

The general idea of the film was to scientifically demonstrate how we get better results from spurts of high intensity exercise output (one minute duration, for example) than a steady paced walk for an hour. This means we don't have to exercise as long as we were led to believe.

In addition, they discussed Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis - N.E.A.T.

Here's a Link

This principle states that we can add "movement" to our day, throughout the day, whenever we think of it.

AND WE WOULD BENEFIT FROM THINKING OF IT A LOT!

It is true we are a sedentary society and many of us sit in chairs all day for work.
I certainly do!
I meet with my clients sitting, I do my paperwork sitting, I take care of phone calls sitting ...

Practicing N.E.A.T. would be as easy as walking around the building between appointments, marching in place while I listen to music doing my notes or walking the dogs more often (they would LOVE that!)

As for my exercise routine, I do enjoy my 45-60 minute walk/jogs because it destresses my mind and body. It helps my food digest too. I think I'll add a sprint-run to my normal regiment. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow;)

That's it for now. Hope these ideas inspire you too!

See you tomorrow,
Marilyn

Live Authentically

Sunday, April 14, 2013 - 9:00 PM - Day 22 of new blog

I find that it is dangerous to over-analyze why we get angry, depressed or anxious. Sometimes we just feel these emotions because of old stress working its way out. And sometimes because we are getting a cold.

I have a cold:(

I will just experience what is and move forward.

It's very important to live authentically to have a fulfilling life.

Have a good night,

Marilyn

My New Diet

Saturday, April 13, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 21 of new blog

They say if you do something consistently for 21 days in a row it will become part of your daily routine  effortlessly. I would say this is true for writing this blog:)))

So, I've been contemplating what to do about dropping some weight.
I decided today to try alternate day fasting.
I've tried different methods to lose weight in the past but none of them seem right for me at this time in my life.
Alternate day fasting seems to make a lot of sense!
The "fast day" you keep your calories no more than 400, but how you do that is up to you. I like that:)  I can do juicing on some days, soup on others. I can eat a light raw food diet on fast days or just eat fruits and nuts. This gives the digestive system plenty of time to clear out the food from the day before. Then, if deprivation sets in, I always have the next day to eat normal meals. I'll keep you posted on how it goes in this blog.

I also started taking green coffee bean extract. This too sounds helpful. There is lots on the internet about it if you want to learn more.

We'll see after 21 days if this becomes a natural part of my routine.

Hope you all are enjoying your weekend,

Marilyn

Prioritizing Rest

Friday, April 12, 2013 - 6:30 PM - Day 20 of new blog

April is Stress Awareness Month.

TGIF Tip - If it's Friday afternoon and you feel fatigued, drained, tired of thinking, irritable, spent and ready for mindless entertainment, you overdid it this week.

GUILTY!

I am ready for my glass of wine (or two ...), treats and a video.

So, I ask myself how can I prevent this next week?

Answer:
Prioritize rest over accomplishment.

I know this is not a popular solution, but it is a real solution.
And, as a physician once told my husband when he was in the ED several years ago:
"Your health is more important than anything."

Cheers!

Marilyn

Making People Feel More Comfortable

Thursday, April 11, 2013 - 7:30 PM - Day 19 of new blog

I took notice of something today that occurs quite regularly in most people's lives.

I was at the dentist getting my teeth cleaned. As the dental hygienist was getting started she asked "So What's New?"

Now ... I only see this person twice a year and when you get your teeth cleaned you are not chatting about your life - you can't! I have no recollection of my conversation with her six months ago.

I'm not sharing this as a complaint about the dental hygienist, by the way. She was just being friendly.
I'm sharing it because I learned something.

Here's what I learned:

I noticed I felt uncomfortable because I had no idea how to respond. Do I say something funny? Do I think of something interesting to share? Do I state a neutral response? Do I shrug my shoulders?

Then I thought about my role when greeting my clients, my patients or my customers. I've actually said "So What's New?" to some of them and they may have felt unsure of how to respond too. I can't be the only one!

So ... what's the solution?

The public speaking courses I've taken used to teach that specific questions are much easier for people to answer than generalized questions.
So instead of saying "What's New?" a person could say "How was your day today?" "Have any vacation plans this summer?" "What's the weather like outside?"
These are much easier to answer.

I try not to make anyone feel uncomfortable as I go about my day. This brief interaction at the dentist helped me fine tune my communication even more. And, my teeth are cleaned;)

See ya tomorrow,
Marilyn

The Awareness Technique

Wednesday, April 10, 2013 - 10:00 PM - Day 18 of new blog

My mind was very peaceful today. I experienced inner silence frequently throughout the day.

In the evening I continued writing new artcles for our Living Stress Free website because it is Stress Awareness Month. Focusing on the signs, symptoms and facts about "stress" started affecting my mind.
I noticed I felt more tension, mental constriction and fatigue. Describing stress in great detail started causing me stress!

Moral of the story: Be careful what you focus on, especially when exclusively focusing on it.

The antidote?

The Awareness Technique:

Feel the air at the level of your nose as you breath.
While doing this, notice how your body feels.
While doing both of these, listen to the sounds in your environment.
Finally, be aware of your thoughts while noticing the other three.

With this technique you are including everything you are experiencing instead of excluding parts of your total experience. It diffuses stress and cultivates a calm, groundedness.

Peace ...


Marilyn

Ways to Diminish Desire

Tuesday, April 9, 2013 - 10:30 PM - Day 17 of new blog

It's interesting to observe the difference between how I feel when I'm reacting to my life and how I feel when I'm calmly responding to it.

Lately I've been calmly responding to it:)))

Why?

I'm experiencing inner silence every day in my meditation practice and I'm more attentive to "flowing through the day" because of this blog! 

I write suggestions and tips each day which reinforces my own practice of them.

One of my recent realizations is about desire. 

When I'm feeling my worst - miserable, depressed, disheartened - it's usually because of one common theme. I'm desiring something I wish I had, a circumstance I wish would happen, a dream I feel I deserve and resent the fact it's not mine.

All of this is based on desire. 

The yogic scriptures describe desire as "poison", and I can see why. It does no good and leads us astray. It is destructive and interferes with inner peace, calmness and surrender. It fools us over and over again.

However, human beings are defined by their desires. It's part of our natural experience on this earth.

My solution?

"Keep your feet on the ground and your eye on the prize".

Focus on the task at hand. Fully experience what you are doing; then do the next task.

Stay fully present, experience the NOW as often and as consistently as possible.

Someone told me recently, go through the day on autopilot. Don't think about what you are doing - just do it.

This is the antidote to desire.

Have a peaceful night,

Marilyn

Just Do the Next Thing

Monday, April 8, 2013 - 8:30 PM - Day 16 of new blog

I was helping one of my patients in a therapy session today who is struggling with reconciling opposites - her old unhealthy identity vs her new healthy identity. She asked what the easiest way to reconcile this would be.

This is what I told her:
Acknowledge and honor both sides of yourself but don't do anything about it.
Instead, just do the next thing.
Fully experience what you are doing and then do the next thing.  Fully experience what you are doing and then do the next thing. Fully experience what you are doing and then do the next thing...

This is true for my life and probably everybody's life!

All we can really do is "just do the next thing".
It's that simple.

This suggestion immediately diffuses the relentless thinking mind. That very mind is what causes our dissatisfaction, frustration and endless unfulfilled desires.

Let's all do the next thing and have a peaceful sleep.

Good night.

Marilyn

Three Suggestions When Things Pile Up

Sunday, April 7, 2013 - 9:15 PM - Day 15 of new blog

Well, it's the 15th day of writing this blog. It's become a comfortable ritual I participate in much like my daily meditation practice, brushing my teeth and taking my vitamins:))

I've discovered creating a ritual is the best way to commit to something. It makes it special. It makes it sacred.

One area that is difficult to create a ritual with is keeping up with my email. So many emails come in each day - various lists I subscribe to, catelogs, LSF-related mailings, and the 3 F's: friends, family, forwards!

When your schedule is super busy you can get behind on these emails. Most of us do!

I went through 285 emails tonight, instead of writing a new article for our website.
Was it a priority? Tonight it was, because I was in the mood to go through all those emails.


When things pile up and you haven't kept up with them, here are 3 Suggestions to remedy the situation:

Strike when the Iron's Hot - when you get in the mood to tackle a particular project, just do it. Drop everything else. If you don't, you most likely will not get in the mood to do it again for quite some time.
This is what I did today, and it worked!

List and Plan - the opposite approach from my first suggestion is to make a list of all those tasks that need to be attended to and prioritize them. Once you are aware of what needs your attention, grab a calendar, choose a day and plan on doing it that day.

Go on an Adventure - shifting your attitude towards projects you easily ignore can make all the difference in the world. Instead of dreading the task, cultivate curiosity and interest, like you're on a treasure hunt! This is a great strategy for my "hoarding" friends out there for doing something about the clutter. It is spring cleaning time:)))

See you guys tomorrow,
Marilyn

The Elusive Why

Saturday, April 6, 2013 - 10:15 PM - Day 14 of new blog

I wrote a brief commentary yesterday on how to respond when someone asks you "Why?" regarding difficult challenges they are going through.

I'd like to share it with you:

The Elusive Why

I have a sign-up for weekly tips on living optimally in all areas of life.
The "Elusive Why" is from this series of tips.
Here is the link to that sign up, if you are interested:

Sign up for Free weekly LSF Tips

Today was a day filled with errands, tasks and spending time with dear friends.
I feel blessed to have the ability to be personally productive and enjoy a lovely night out.

I hope you all are enjoying your weekend:))

Marilyn

Antidotes to Overworking

Friday, April 5, 2013 - 8:30 PM - Day 13 of new blog

You know what the strange thing about "overworking" is?
You don't notice you've been overworking, but others do. Someone close to you may caringly tell you that you look tired, overworked, worn.
Once you are aware that others noticed this, you want to see if they are correct. You look in the mirror, and you realize don't look like you should.
Guess what? You've overworked yourself.

True story. This is my story - today.

So ... what to do? what to do?

STOP WORKING

Rest without guilt

Stop engaging the mind.

Get a lot of sleep.

Delegate

Rejuvenate

Good Night!

Marilyn :))

Don't Be Fooled By Your Mind

Thursday, April 4, 2012 - 10:30 PM - Day 12 of new blog

I got overwhelmed by my life this morning. Total meltdown. I listed all the things that have to be done with no time to do them. It was depressing and frustrating.

I made sure I meditated despite how I felt. Created a high protein breakfast too!

I ended up having a great day at work - great sessions, more free time than expected, went out to lunch!

Then, Lou took me out to dinner at our favorite Italian place by the lake.

I'm a lucky woman.

Moral of the story - don't be fooled by your mind. It will tell you things are horrible all the time when the truth is THEY ARE REALLY NOT!!!!

Everything will be accomplished when it's meant to be accomplished and we are supposed to learn something from the delayed gratification. In the meantime - enjoy.

Stress free wishes to all ...

Marilyn

Listening Overload

Wednesday, April 3, 2013 - 8:30 PM - Day 11 of new blog

I would imagine it's rare to hear a clinical therapist describe what it's like to perform the professional responsibility of listening. I thought I would comment on that today.

First off, nobody becomes a therapist for their lifelong career unless they enjoy people and enjoy listening. This is very true for me. I love the uniqueness of people - their different personalities, their "quirkiness", the way people perceive life in such fascinating ways.

I'm reminded of one of my favorite movies - "As Good As It Gets" - in which Simon the painter says "if you watch someone long enough you begin to see their humanity".  I have experienced the same is true for listening.

One of the complications of listening for a profession is that the mind is not an endless receptacle for processing information. It needs breaks. Especially when a person is mindful about listening, giving someone their full attention. The receptacle fills even faster!

I've struggled with problem solving this dilemma throughout my years working as a therapist. I think I've found a balanced approach. Here are some of my solutions:

• I limit the number of people I see each day. It took me YEARS to stop myself from seeing more people than I can handle. My secretary keeps me in line now. No more than 5 per day.
• I return phone calls at the end of the day. When I schedule a small block of time for this, at a consistent time of day, I can prepare my "listening mind" for taking in the information. Also, many people solve their own problems while the day progresses and discover they didn't need me at that moment! whew;)
• I use email to communicate as often as possible because it is less draining than listening.
• When I'm on-call and have increased "listening" duties, I take more time to complete my other personal responsibilities. I slow down and I take more "Me-time" to replenish my drained energy.
• I listen without judgment or bias. Judgment and bias are energy-drainers. They deplete your natural listening ability.

See you all tomorrow.
Marilyn

If you like the solutions I write about each day in this blog,
feel free to visit our website: Living Stress Free

Ridding Yourself of Unhealthy Habits

Tuesday, April 2, 2013 - 10:30 PM - Day 10 of new blog

My cognitive abilities are fading at this moment due to a very full day at work and on-call responsibilities.

So today, instead of a personal challenge to share, I'll share a metaphor I've been using in my therapy sessions:

Don't deal with unhealthy behaviors, whether it's in thinking, speaking or doing, by trying to stop the behavior ... or get rid of it ... or change your "bad habit".
Most often, even if you succeed, it will only be temporary:(

Instead, imagine you have a jar filled with tainted water. You also have many smooth stones, each one representing positive thoughts, positive words, positive deeds that you naturally engage in.
Simply drop each stone into the tainted water. As the positivity builds up the impure water will naturally just spill out of the jar. This is the way to permanenty rid yourself of unhealthy habits.

Have a good night everyone.

Marilyn

Money and Stress

Monday, April 1, 2013 - 7:45 PM - Day 9 of new blog

I think it's safe to say there is one particular stressor that is guaranteed to throw off my balance everytime. And not only me, everyone I know!

It is sneaky, quiet, elusive ... it pops up every so often just to disrupt our peaceful lives.
It is heartless, relentless and unforgiving.
It can change one's mood in a matter of seconds and ruin one's day quite easily.
It can cause blood pressure to rise, queasy stomach, headaches, weakness and fatigue.

Anyone guess what I'm referring to?

One of the top stressors of all time - award winning - the "CEO of Stress".

The winner is ........ lack of money.

Financial stress is a killer. And it can only be remedied by money! How ironic.

Here's my challenge:

How to bring a stress-free mindset to the reality of financial challenges?

Here are my solutions:

• Keep the mind on this moment - it's easy to project worry into the unknown future and create a "worst case scenario" with thoughts alone. Anxiety gravitates to worry-fantasies. Don't get stuck there!
• Focus on what you have not what you don't have.
• Stop the leak. Cut back in certain areas that need trimming. Those areas are always obvious;)
• Just move forward and trust...
• Keep an open mind at all times and explore all possibilities to improve the situation. No bad ideas.

And don't forget abundance comes in many forms, money being just one of them.
I am grateful for the abundance of support from my readers. Thank You!

See you tomorrow,
Marilyn